A Wish For More

I feel the weight of my past push me down,
Almost immobilizing me,
It’s hard to breathe,
I can’t think straight.

Get up, now! I tell myself.

Time to put on the daily façade.
Time to go out and show I’m not sad.
Show off how strong I am.
Show off how everything’s just great.

I’m still sitting.

It gets harder every day,
But I like how it distracts my thoughts,
From circling around these same things,
Again and again and again.

Fuck this.

This bitter feeling is emerging.
It’s become stronger these past few weeks.
I can feel it boiling under the surface.
So much energy, so much power.

FUCK THIS.

It’s scary how much pressure there is.
I really want to let it all out.
But I’m afraid of what will happen.
So much anger and so much hate.

I’m getting up.

I take away just enough to make it,
Before I bury it deep down inside,
Where no one will ever see it,
Hopefully not even myself.

I’m ready.

I sense its shadow growing.
Emerging from the depths of my soul.
So dark you can’t even imagine.
So evil and there’s no going back.

Just wait.

All I want is everything,
Is that already too much,
I will change this world,
One way or another.